I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
