i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
