I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
