Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize