Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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