I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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