You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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