1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize