my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
