just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
