You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
