like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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