Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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