Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
