mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
