Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
