I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
