there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
