so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
