What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
tell me about the eggs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
