So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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