Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
