Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
did you just send me my own nude
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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