How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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