the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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