what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
