what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
