you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
