dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
