I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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