He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
