Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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