sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
