not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
