Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
