Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
