He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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