Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
