"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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