How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
