It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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