i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
