I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
