hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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