goodnight i made you a song goodbye
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
