O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
