Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize