1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sarcasm needs its own font
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
