I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
