im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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