Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
