i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
