3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
