i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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