That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize