Im at strip club and am horny
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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