FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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