What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
