I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
