were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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