I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
