Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
