Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
