We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
3pm strippers are depressing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
