Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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