New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
