so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
