Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't think brook has ever known best
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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