Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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