I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize