so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
