just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
