Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
