New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
