I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
