Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
