I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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