Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
