I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
