Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
