Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
