Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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