Did you just see the Batmobile???
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
