he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize