be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
