just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
