I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
