this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
